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Original fiction

Can’t sleep….Again

This is part of the newest piece I’ve been working on. This is off the cuff and has yet to be edited, but I would love input. Here goes…..

She sucked in a breath that registered a 2 on the Richter scale. For her, it was a 10, not that others felt it. “Maybe I haven’t disappointed you as much as it feels. Maybe I disappointed myself.” She raked her hand through hair that was the definition of unruly, much like her herself. She exhaled a cloud of smoke–she said she gave it up years ago. She’s still not sure why people believe her. Maybe she had just honed her lying skills that well. It seemed more likely to her that people just hear what they want hear. She needs to him hear this though, but she had no faith the same words she said would be the ones heard. “Maybe I’m a disappointment to myself.”

He reached for her, cupping chin and cheek to drag her eyes to meet his. “You could never disappointment me,” he said. He may have been looking directly at her, but he still only saw what he wanted to see.


All right…. Continue? Throw this one in the trash? Are you interested in the characters? Can you relate to them? Are they and the situation believable?

I definitely need to work on the writing and wording in it (I’ve never been consistent with tenses), but beyond that, is there enough engaging raw material to work with? I need opinions!!! Please and thank you!!

Now time for some sleep—-hopefully.



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