I think the biggest difference between us probably was and is the difference in priorities that she cited. And I think the biggest and most important one might be that I don’t think that you can or should ever overlook things in a person you truly love. That isn’t really loving someone–its loving the idea of someone. You choose to take the good with the bad. And maybe in some way its easier to walk away when things get tough or messy, but I think that only brings short term satisfaction. Any relationship where both parties choose not to discuss feelings, problems, grievances, failures, etc., has already ended. Maybe some things can be overlooked, but only if they really don’t matter, which could not have possibly been the case here.
When I first took my concerns to her a year and some months ago I never imagined things would end up here. I thought I was sharing things that were hurting me with a person that I could count on for life. I voiced those initial concerns in an email while she was out of town in the hopes that some time apart would give both of us a fresh way to look at things. There are some things I’m not very proud of about the way I was living my life at the time, and I thought I as opening a conversation to put our friendship and my life back on the right track. I was trying to say that the way she was treating me was hurting me just as much as the things I was doing to myself was. I thought that she would be able to look at it objectively and then help me through it–because that’s what it really was, a plea for help.
So maybe I have been melodramatic and obsessive, but with this one fight my entire view of myself, my life, and the world was turned on its nose. And if that isn’t deserving of drama or obsession or introspection or discussion, then I don’t know what is. But I do know that I would consider that as hiding not living, and that most definitely is not a priority that I have for my life.