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Dear Betsy,

I can’t help but wonder: were we allowing these petty differences to tear us apart because we were so afraid of having to face the world without the other when Navy life was over? Did my subconscious decide that rather than admitting how scared I would be to not have my best friend beside me every day to face the world, that it would somehow be easier to ruin it with petty differences so that we had to be brave enough to do everything alone (for our families, that is)?

I realize that I don’t know how to let things go. In past relationships I have always asked myself, “Is this person worth it? Is there something here I’m still willing to fight to keep in my life?” Sometimes the answer is no. But this one has always been a yes.

I have a wonderful friend from high school. Her name is Andrea. I honestly can’t think of her and not smile. We have zillions of stories and secrets and languages and some pain and heartbreak too. Things change. But if she ever needs me, I’d be there as quick as possible, no matter the distance. She is special to me and I treasure her and our friendship. There is most definitely a solid foundation there. Andrea, Ashes, Ashley, Sarah–we all said that we would be sitting on the front porch of our castle in Ireland when we’re really, really old, and that we might not know anybody or anything anymore, but we would still be all there together. But its not right if you’re not there too.

If ever we had a superficial friendship, then saying good-bye wouldn’t be hard at all. But it wasn’t superficial and even though we have hurt each other deeply, I think we still want to be wiping each others’ tears away and cursing ourselves.

When I dig deep down at my roots, the only thing that is missing is you.

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Discussion

5 thoughts on “Dear Betsy,

  1. It wasn’t the petty differences that made us grow apart. I overlooked a lot of things when we were together because I loved you. When it came down to it though, our priorities were different, and that especially showed the last few months before you sent the emails when I was in WI. I couldn’t stand behind the way you were living your life and the choices you were making. We’ve discussed it at length, but what it comes down to is that we were growing apart because it was an inevitability. You can say I had to grow, to find myself, but I was confident in the choices I was making. One of those choices was to let you go. I don’t regret the time we spent together and will always cherish what we had, but there is no future for us. I write here because maybe those who read it will help you understand how serious I am, in a way my replies to your emails couldn’t.

    Posted by Betsy | March 12, 2011, 1:30 pm
    • I just wanted to say that I know just how very bad it feels to have your affection and regard for someone so cavalierly, unexpectedly and unequivocally tossed aside (not in reference to our situation). And I am honestly sorry if I ever made you feel that way. Just needed to get that off my chest.

      Posted by malachitemoon | April 23, 2011, 3:01 pm
  2. Okay, seriously…how old are you? Do you honestly think friendship/relationships in adult life are out of a frigging romantic comedy or something? Things, people, places, situations ALL CHANGE. You have to deal with those changes and keep important things in focus…like your children. I of all people understand how much losing a friend can hurt, believe me, but you’re obsessing over this and it really is sad and a little scary. “I think we still want to be wiping each others’ tears away and cursing ourselves” Stop and think about that for a minute…I’m sure you’ve talked with Betsy and know what she REALLY feels, but you go ahead and tell her what she wants…that is crazy. You think she wants this, when she has most assuredly said otherwhise. The definition of insanity is trying the same thing hoping for a different outcome every time. You’re not romeo and she’s not julliet. MOVE ON. You have actual things to worry about I’m sure. You are not doing yourself or your child any favors by fixating on a friendship that didnt work out. Get a hobby, spend time with your daughter, fix whatever it is in your life that is causing you to be so melo-dramatic and needy towards a person who is really quite all right without you. Check thyself, before ye wreck thyself.

    Posted by Monkey | March 12, 2011, 1:44 pm
    • I have never claimed to be anything other than idealistic. I just felt like this was a pretty big, nasty, and abrupt speed bump in that relationship and my life in general.

      I stand corrected.

      My husband says that I smother goodwill and attempted rekindling of friendships by trying to hard and not letting it go. I agree with him, but I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I’ve never been able to understand that shady middle of the road thing. I know that’s unhealthy and I while I work hard to maintain some semblance of a personal equilibrium, it doesn’t take much to throw me off balance.

      Posted by Kelli | March 12, 2011, 3:38 pm
    • And because I just cannot help myself… I don’t think I ever denied change. I’m actually kind of fond of it. And what some may call fixations and drama, others might see as an introspective quest to understand myself. Sometimes facing the things you are afraid of and casting light on the things you are ashamed of leads to a deeper understanding of the self even if it is an ugly, unseemly spectacle. I find both Romeo and Juliet to be fools and romantic comedy a farce. I am not wiser or smarter than anyone else, but I do think I see things from a unique perspective.

      Posted by Kelli | March 13, 2011, 9:30 pm

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