I can’t help but wonder: were we allowing these petty differences to tear us apart because we were so afraid of having to face the world without the other when Navy life was over? Did my subconscious decide that rather than admitting how scared I would be to not have my best friend beside me every day to face the world, that it would somehow be easier to ruin it with petty differences so that we had to be brave enough to do everything alone (for our families, that is)?
I realize that I don’t know how to let things go. In past relationships I have always asked myself, “Is this person worth it? Is there something here I’m still willing to fight to keep in my life?” Sometimes the answer is no. But this one has always been a yes.
I have a wonderful friend from high school. Her name is Andrea. I honestly can’t think of her and not smile. We have zillions of stories and secrets and languages and some pain and heartbreak too. Things change. But if she ever needs me, I’d be there as quick as possible, no matter the distance. She is special to me and I treasure her and our friendship. There is most definitely a solid foundation there. Andrea, Ashes, Ashley, Sarah–we all said that we would be sitting on the front porch of our castle in Ireland when we’re really, really old, and that we might not know anybody or anything anymore, but we would still be all there together. But its not right if you’re not there too.
If ever we had a superficial friendship, then saying good-bye wouldn’t be hard at all. But it wasn’t superficial and even though we have hurt each other deeply, I think we still want to be wiping each others’ tears away and cursing ourselves.
When I dig deep down at my roots, the only thing that is missing is you.