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The state of my house closely resembles the state in my head–cluttered and unfocused. I have many varied interests, and in wanting to do them all I think overwhelm myself so I am able to just put it off. I am the queen of procrastination, I can assure you of that.

Some very random thoughts today, I guess. All jumbled. Go figure. I was really surprised by Emma getting married to John Stamos’s character on Glee. How sad is that? I think that I have been using tv shows and their retinue of characters in place of seeking out real friendships. I feel close to the characters on the screen and somehow it fills that void in me. All of our previous moves (with the exception of the initial move to Dallas, TX) were in and with the Navy, so there was always something that linked me to the other women there. There was common ground and shared trials and hardships, and that bonds people pretty darn quickly.

But this move to Blytheville, AR, (population est. 22,000) is different. I’m not sure I know how to go out and make friends, without that common ground. I really hope that I am able to find some people to click (or clique) with for Gwennie’s sake if not my own. This is the place that we have chosen to put down roots and start making traditions. I really do want to be involved in the community, and I feel like I could offer a different perspective on things. But I’m too damn scared. I’m afraid that people might not like me for who I am. And that just begs the deeper question of whether I like myself. Ranting and raving, yes, I know. I know that I am not alone in this quicksand of defining–or redefining–my image. James Morrison’s One Last Chance says it all better than I ever could. Now off to bed–busy week ahead and I couldn’t be happier about it. 🙂

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